iDon't Wanna Fall In Love
by SpeedDemonz
Summary: Freddie decides that he never wants to fall for anyone anymore. Screams Seddie. Review Please!
1. Preposition

**Author's note:**

H**ey guys! This is my third story so far. This is whole story is actually a songfic inspired by two songs, The Last Train Home by The Lost Prophets and Hero-Heroine by Boys Like Girls. BUT, I am not cutting and pasting lyrics onto the story, this is just BASED on the MEANING of the songs. I wanted to make this story a oneshot but I thought it would be more fun to make a multi chapter story instead**. **Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or the two songs that I mentioned earlier. EARGH!!**

* * *

"That's it! I've had enough of this! I'm so over girls," Freddie Benson announced as he stormed into the Shay's apartment.

"What's wrong Freddie?" Carly questioned him.

"Yeah, Freddo, I thought marrying Carly was part of your 'master plan'?" Sam asked, using air quotes as she said _master plan. _Carly couldn't help but to let out a chuckle.

"Well, it was. But not anymore." Freddie said as he plopped onto a couch.

"Tell us what happened Freddie." Carly prompted.

Freddie heaved a sigh and started his story, "My mom was giving me my weekly tick bath-".

"Oh yeah real interesting Freddie, tell us about your crazy mom and her weird antics." Sam interrupted before he could even finish his first sentence.

"Let me finish Sam!" Freddie said exasperated. "My mom was giving me my weekly tick bath and she started talking about Carly and how great it would be if Carly were to be my girlfriend. At first I kinda agreed, but then it struck me." Freddie continued.

Carly rolled her eyes when he talking about her being his girlfriend. 'In your dreams, Freddie' Carly thought.

"You mean you got struck by lightning?" Sam said excitedly, as if she really did want Freddie to have been struck by lightning.

Freddie pushed out a fake laugh and stopped soon after. "No Sam I did not. Sorry to disappoint you there. I had an epiphany-"

"Epi- what?" Carly and Sam said in unison, confused. "We don't have time to listen to your dorkanese, Dork Vader!" Sam continued, clearly frustrated.

"Epiphany is English FYI, it means, to have a sudden realization." Freddie said.

"Okay, human dictionary, just continue your story already." Carly almost screamed.

"Alright! I realized that I was just wasting my time, Carly never noticed me, and so I decided to give up chasing her around like a puppy." Freddie said, a little embarrassed.

"It's about time!" Carly said in relief and flung her hands up.

"Yeah, finally! Who are you planning to chase now dweeb?" Sam teased.

"Actually no one. I have decided on this too. I, Freddie Benson, will never fall in love again." Freddie said triumphantly.

"What? No, seriously." Sam was utterly confused.

"I said it, I never want to fall in love again. There's no reason to. All that will happen to me is: I will be used, again and my heart will be broken, again" Freddie pointed out.

Carly sighed, "Look, Freddie, just because Valerie used you to make her webshow better than iCarly, doesn't mean it will happen again. I know your heart was broken but there's no reason to never love again." Carly lectured Freddie with the best of her ability.

"Yeah you're right, I won't be used again. That's because I'm not falling for anyone anymore." Freddie continued arguing.

"Sam? Why are you all quiet? You would have made fun of Freddie like a thousand times by now." Carly said, noticing Sam quiet, deep in thought, with a tinge of disappointment in her face.

"What? Oh, I was just thinking, who would want Freddie's love anyway? He'll just act like his loony mom." Sam said finally, gaining back her composure.

"I expected you to say that." Freddie said, unhurt.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Carly was concerned about Freddie, but it seemed that he did din't want to talk.

"I'll be fine, you know what? I think i gotta go now, my mom's gonna start looking around for me soon." Freddie chuckled and went out of the Shay's apartment.

"Well what was that all about?" Carly asked herself and heaved a big sigh.

* * *

**How was that? I don't know. Tell me!**

**BTW check out my Emokid story please! I'm gonna update that possibly by the end of the weekend.**

**Till then, please review.**

**-Speed**


	2. Open Up

**A/N: Hey, second chapter to this story. I'd like to thank the few that have reviewed for...reviewing. Okay... on with the show!**

**Disclaimer: iDon't Own iCarly**

* * *

**During iCarly**

"Greetings webites from Earth and beyond!" Carly exclaimed into the tripod mounted camera. "I'm Carly!"

"And I'm Sam!" Sam jumped on screen.

"And I'm Freddie..." Freddie said with reluctance. Turning to Carly, he said, "Must I do this? Can't I stay behind the camera?"

"Where he rightfully belongs?" Sam added.

"The show's already started so just play along!" Carly scolded the two of them. "Today we're doing something special for our one and only tech producer,-" Carly faced the camera.

"Or as I like to call him 'dork'," Sam interrupted.

"She means Freddie!" Carly rolled her eyes and nudged Sam.

"I still have no idea what's going on." Freddie said to the camera, waving his arms. Earning nudges from both Carly and Sam.

"We're getting there Freddie!" Carly scolded him again. "As all of you viewers know, Freddie was once hooked up through iCarly, with Valerie."

"Who tried to use him to make a better webshow than iCarly, which is technically impossible." Sam stated, interrupting Carly once again.

"And now we want to hook him up again! Any takers?" Carly continued.

"Wait, what? So this is what it's all about? Girls I told you I'm not getting a girlfriend any time soon." Freddie explained. Before Sam could open her mouth he shouted at her, "Nor am I getting a boyfriend! I'm sorry viewers, don't send any comments or videos about me 'kay? Now we'll get back to the real iCarly." Freddie said, then picking up his camera and resuming iCarly as per normal.

* * *

**After iCarly**

"Sam, something is wrong with Freddie," Carly said after Freddie left her apartment.

"You mean he was okay before?" Sam joked, but Carly was not amused.

"I'm serious. Ever since he told us about his big decision, he doesn't wanna open up." Carly explained.

"Chill, okay. It's Freddie, he's probably faking the whole thing to get your attention." Sam explained her theory.

"You could be right. Or he really never wants to fall in love again!" Carly started to panic.

"Why do care so much anyway?" Sam asked.

"He's our friend, Sam, we should return the care that he has always given us. You know, it's my turn to do him a favour. As for you, this could part of your apology to him for all your bullying targeted at him." Carly explained.

"I'm not doin' it." Sam said simply.

"Sam!" Carly said sternly, tugging her hair.

"Okay, okay. Gosh, you do know how to 'persuade' someone." Sam complained.

"We'll start trying to make Freddie open up in school next week." Carly concluded.

* * *

**School, Lunch**

Carly and Sam spotted Freddie already seated at their usual table and joined him there.

"Hey Freddie." Carly and Sam said in unison. Both of them sat opposite Freddie.

"So Freddie, Jake asked me out." Carly lied, trying to make Freddie jealous.

"And...?" Freddie asked, sipping his apple juice.

"Uh... He wants to bring me to somewhere romantic, but doesn't know where he should take me." Carly continued the snowballing lie.

Freddie laughed. Hard. "What a loser, after all the dates with almost all the girls in Ridgeway he still don't know a romantic place?"

"Can you just suggest a place!" Carly raised her voice, irritated.

"Alright! Just make it simple. Go to the park or beach. The scenery is beautiful and there's nothing to do but to talk." Freddie explained.

"I agree." Sam stepped into the conversation.

"Sam? I think you're starting to get slow in butting into conversations." Freddie stated.

"What? I got nothing to say." Sam replied.

"That's new." Carly said chuckling. She sat up straight in her chair and continued. "So Freddie, have you taken any of your dates out o one of those places?"

"Yeah Freddork, have you? Or did your date run away before you could bring her there?" Sam teased.

Freddie rolled his eyes then narrowed them at Carly, "I'm getting a feeling that this conversation was not about Carly and Jake."

"Well, no duh." Sam said.

"Look I'm sorry but I just don't wanna get hurt again okay? What's so good about dating someone anyway? I'll end up forking out my own money to pay for something that the date insists on doing." Freddie said then folded his arms.

"I understand that you don't wanna be used again but isn't giving up on love something to harsh on yourself?" Carly prodded.

"Heh. I've been fine without for quite a while now right? I'm sure I can handle it." Freddie replied.

"By the way, paying for your date is part of being a gentleman." Sam added to Carly's previous statement.

"Please, what do you know about being gentlemanly or ladylike?" Freddie said. "Sam and 'ladylike' just don't go together. They are the complete opposite of each other."

"You mean like Freddork and 'cool' are opposites?" Sam rebutted.

Freddie shot her a quick glance before Carly stepped in, "Guys, stop. I respect your decision Freddie, if love is what you want to isolate, then I leave it to you to decide. I'm free today after school, so are both of you up for some iCarly planning?"

"Can I skip today? Jonah just lent me a music disc and I kinda wanted to listen to it later." Freddie explained.

"What music is it? Soundtrack to 'The Dork of the Rings'?" Sam said, cracking up to her own joke.

"No! I borrowed a 'Muse' album." Freddie defended.

"Ugh, Muse." Carly said, rolling her eyes.

"Cool, Muse!" Sam said the same time as Carly.

"You're into them too? So why don't I bring the disc to the planning session and we can check it out?" Freddie proposed.

"Sure." Sam replied.

"Just don't turn it on too loud. I don't like their kind of music." Carly said.

"What? How could you not like it? Their music is so... mysterious... in a way." Freddie said.

"No it's not! It's just plain freaky!" Carly raised her voice. Freddie shrugged and went off to his next class. Carly smiled at Sam and said, "We got him to open up, a little, at least."

**This chapter is not so important but it kinda sets the plot, to get Freddie to open up.**

**I decided that the CD that Freddie borrows from Jonah is Muse because I was listen to their music while writing this, but Muse will play quite a big role in the Seddie-ness next chapter. Check Muse out people, they are a great band but some of you might think it's freaky. I want you to know the kind of music they make so that the next chater is more understandable.**

**As usual, Pls Read and Review. (I hate using 'R&R')  
**

**-Speed**


	3. Hypnotic Feel

**A/N: I haven't been updating, so here is the 3rd chapter to this fic.**

**I asked you guys to check out Muse, since it's being used in here, I'm not forcing you to like it or anything, I just need you to know the kind of music they play.**

**Disclaimer: iCarly is not mine**

* * *

"Okay, so we're done today." Carly announced to Sam and I, clasping her hands as she said it.

"Cool, Carly you mind if I and the doof here check out his disc here?" Sam asked Carly. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, sure. Just let me get a 10 second head start before you turn the music on, I really don't want my brains to be corroded by their freakish music." Carly replied, turning to the elevator.

"Muse is not 'freaky' okay? It's–" I stopped talking when I realized Sam said the same thing at the same time. Sam continued though, "– original."

I inwardly agreed.

"Their Muse-ic is one in a million." I said.

"Okay, whatever." Carly said, not amused by my lame pun. "Don't need to get so worked up about nothing. I'm out. Remember, ten seconds okay?" Carly joked, before stepping into the elevator.

Sam turned around and plopped onto her beanbag chair, "Set it up, Freddork."

"Must you always insult me?" I walked over to my equipment cart and inserted the disc into my laptop.

Sam looked at me, "You know normally I'd respond to that, but you just make too easy for me, so I'm gonna do you a favour, and not answer your question." I rolled my eyes, that was like the only thing I could do towards Sam to express my annoyance. And if I was any more annoyed, I'd be blind by then.

I waited for the disc to be fully read by my laptop and started the media player. I carried my laptop and dragged my beanbag chair nearer to Sam. She was staring at me, as if try to study my face. Was she?

She probably was just thinking a better way to rearrange my face. The way she was looking at me still bugged me though.

"Sam!" I snapped her out of her gaze. "What's up with you? Stop staring at me like that."

"Oh, it's nothing." Sam readjusted her position on her beanbag chair. "I was just wondering... What's up with you? A week ago you all over Carly, and now you're giving up?"

Ugh. I didn't want to go there. Not again. I knew their plan trying to make me open up and stuff. I don't know whether Sam was asking sincerely, but she wasn't one to be Dr. Sensitive, and it wasn't like she knew so much about relationships, considering how _well_ her last one worked out. So I decided, I wasn't going into the subject anymore.

I hit the play button on the media player on my laptop. The song started blasting from my laptop. Trying to change the subject I said, "What do you like about Muse? I thought I was like the only person in Ridgeway, other than Jonah, who's a fan of them."

"Like the way you're the only guy in Ridgeway who's a dork." Sam teased, again.

Ignoring her comment, I answered my own question. "I, personally think that their music has an element of mystery... in a way."

"You already said that yesterday, doofus." Sam pointed out. I sighed and laid the laptop on the floor.

"I asked the question, but you didn't respond, so I say what I feel!" Sam chuckled.

"Okay, okay, chill dude. If hearing my opinion will make you shut up, I'll tell you." Sam said. The music was still blasting in the background but of course we weren't exactly listening to it, due to our constant squabbling. "Muse, is awesome."

"That's not an opinion!" I almost screamed, exasperated. "What do you think of their music?"

"Ugh, you dork..." Sam muttered. "Their music is... is... hypnotic! Yes, that's it." She finally responded to my question, which was asked over two minutes ago. She started massaging her temples, "Now, can you just _shut up _and let me listen to the music?"

"Gladly..." I said in my dorkiest voice possible just to bug her, although my normal voice is already dorky enough for Sam.

She ignored me, so we were left in the studio, with music blasting from my laptop between us. We didn't say anything, although the music was in the background, there was one of those 'awkward silence' thing going on between us.

Twenty minutes passed, but we only covered half the disc, six more tracks to go. We still hadn't conversed yet, though there were occasional position shifting, throat clearing and humming. I was probably dreaming, I wasn't looking at anything in particular, but I felt as if I was floating.

I made occasional glances towards Sam. She wasn't looking very comfortable either. She caught my glances a few times. I really wanted to something but it'll probably be more awkward.

It took me awhile for me to find out that Sam was giving me the same look she was giving me earlier.

I turned to face her, to tell her off.

I looked straight into her eyes, Sam was staring right into mine. I opened my mouth but nothing came out, just a weak croak.

There was a weird force coming over me everything went in slow motion. The music at the maximum volume became inaudible. I couldn't pull away my gaze.

Sam was right there, motionless. Not really though, her chest was moving up down, her hair flying in her face under the ceiling fan, and her eyes staring at mine.

The whole sight was so... hypnotic, yeah that's the word.

I couldn't control what happened next. I was leaning in towards Sam. My face got closer to hers. My body was acting on its own while my brain was commanding– screaming really– it to stop.

I expected Sam to react, physically, as in violently. But she was mirroring my action. She was leaning in towards me.

The ding I heard from the elevator saved me. Carly came into the studio and I immediately gained control of my body again. I turned to face Carly and I checked my laptop. The music was still playing but I clicked on the pause button, for Carly's sake.

"You guys still here?" Carly asked. "'Cause I was wondering–"

"Actually, I'm going off now. See ya Carls." Sam stood up and walked briskly out of the studio, not looking at me.

"What happened here?" Carly asked, giving a look, the one that said she knew something did happen, but she didn't know what.

I wasn't planning on telling her either.

"No, nothing." I shrugged.

* * *

**A/N: Was that Seddie enough!? You know what to do =P**

**Thanks in advance and I hope you enjoyed the chapter**

**-Speed**


	4. About A Girl

**I'm starting to be more interested in this story so I'll be updating more frequently from now on.**

**I've recently just watched iPie and I found out something about Freddie(spoiler alert), he is becoming more like Sam. He was also pulling her hair when they were fighting to use the 'dinosaur' computer. I'm a sucker for small details like that.**

**Back to this story, this chapter is in Sam's POV and is based a song called About A Girl by The Academy Is...**

**Disclaimer: iCarly is not mine.**

* * *

Dear Diary,

I know I haven't written in you for a while and I'm _not_ sorry, my mom forced me to write in one of these diary things so that I can 'vent my feelings' so I don't really care how often I do write in you. But now, I feel the need to 'vent my feelings', so I will.

Lately, something's been bothering me, and I'm not gonna tell anyone, not even Carly. You're considered lucky to get to know so much about me.

Freddork gave up on love, which was kinda hard for me to understand. Just the day before he made up his mind on giving up on love, he went over to Carly's place excited, and he said he wanted to tell Carly something. Carly was out though, she and Spencer had to run some errands and they left me at their place, so he couldn't tell her whatever he wanted to. He said that he'll tell her the next day. But the next day he told us that he was never falling in love again. That's not the thing that has been bothering me, it's not like I have a crush on him or anything, nope. Not even close.

What's been bothering me is that we almost kissed. It's complicated. I thought that Freddie would've gone crawling back to Carly in a matter of days without his 'love', but he didn't so I thought he was faking the whole thing to make Carly crawl to _him_.

It was working, Carly's priorities then were only on trying to get Freddie to open up.

Back to my problems, Jonah lent Freddie a music CD that I wanted to check out with him. So I did, we stayed in the studio after iCarly rehearsals. He was dorky so we argued a bit, but after that he became quiet, which was kinda my fault. I told him to shut up.

I kept looking at him, 'cos I expected him– or wanted him– to break the silence. I've never been in silence with Freddie before, so it was AWKWARD. Halfway through the CD, Freddie caught my glance.

Long story cut short, I couldn't move and was suddenly leaning towards him. Carly saved me, she came up to the studio and I could move again.

The thing is, would things be awkward between the dork and I?

Sam out.

PS: Writing in this diary doesn't help.

--

I closed the diary and put it on the shelf. I checked the clock, only half past nine. I really had nothing to do. I wasn't tired, it was still early and the next day was a school day. Meaning, I couldn't go to Carly's place. I managed to pull through, thanks to 10 pounds of meat I found in the fridge in my kitchen.

--

The next day started normally, except for me doing everything I could to avoid the dork. That was pretty much school for me on that day, since I never actually paid any attention in any class besides lunch.

I had to sit with Freddie during lunch though, since any excuse I would have made to skip lunch with Carly and Freddie were probably hard to believe.

I dropped my tray onto the table and sat next to Carly, who was seating opposite Freddie. I could see Freddie eyeing me from the corner of my eye. Most likely because I hadn't teased or pulled a prank on him that day. Believe me, I wasn't in the mood.

"Hey, guys, I was thinking, wanna do another round of iCarly rehearsals today?" Carly asked. "I can't really get one part right."

"Today? You guys go ahead. My mom signed us up for another mother-son activity." Freddie said disdainfully. "This time she doesn't want to tell what the activity is. She wants to keep it a surprise." Freddie groaned.

I couldn't help but crack up. "Let's hope that it's not synchronized swimming again." Freddie smiled.

--

**I'm glad you're over that 'thing'**

I pushed my cell phone into my jeans pocket seeing that Carly was approaching.

"Who was that?" Carly asked.

"Uh, no one." I answered. "I thought I felt it vibrate."

"Whatever... Okay, look. Freddie and his mom are going out later, and since he doesn't wanna open up to us, maybe he has a diary or something at home. You can break us in and we can read it." Carly suggested, as we started to walk Bushwell Plaza. "He left to meet his mom right after school ended, so they won't be there when we arrive."

I smiled. Reading the dork's diary, something I wanted to do for a very long time. I thought about the tons of things I could have on him and I agreed.

I opened the door leading to Freddie's apartment in no time, thanks to loads of practice on Carly's door. We entered what looks like a dork's room, Carly started to look through Freddie's laptop while I scanned through the books on the shelf.

I finally found replica of my own diary, only in a different colour. "Whoa, Freddie's gone low tech." I told Carly.

Carly turned around on the chair. "Read it aloud!" Carly exclaimed.

"Okay, chill." I said, looking through the diary for an entry on the day before he decided to give up on love. "Okay, here it is." I cleared my throat and started reading.

"**Today, I'm gonna tell Carly everything. How I feel about her, what I think of her and why I can't seem to think about anything rather than her**." I stopped. "That's all for the entry he wrote the day before his big decision."

"Continue reading, read, if any, the diary entry for the day of his big decision." Carly suggested.

I cleared my throat once again and started reading the next page. "**She wasn't there. Carly wasn't there when I wanted to come clean. I knew exactly what to say. I rehearsed my lines again and again. There's no more point in this. There's no point chasing after Carly when it's impossible for her to ever notice me. I wait for her after school every day and do many little things for her. Does she notice? NO."** I stopped. I looked at Carly, she motions me to go on.

"**I give up okay? I'm not gonna waste these words about a girl. I just don't deserve something as brilliant as love. All 'love' has given me is despair and misery."** The journal entry ended there.

Carly started blabbering about how it was all her fault. I wasn't listening, for the first time, in like ever, I felt sorry for Freddie. He was still hurt, he just didn't want to show it. He was lying about his mom giving him a tick bath when he realized that Carly wouldn't love him back.

I noticed something written at the bottom of the page, it made my eyes water.

**To be **_**loved,**_** what more could you ask for?**

* * *

**Awww... It seems that love was what Freddie was yearning for the most before he gave up on it.**

**Read And Review please.**

**Thanks in advance,**

**-Speed**


	5. Note Passing

**A/N: I am soo sorry for taking forever to update. I've been crazy busy. I've also couldn't get enough privacy to get into my Seddie mood...**

**Disclaimer: iCarly is not mine. If it is, iChrismas would be a much better episode. (I didn't enjoy it)**

* * *

The day ended normally, if 'normal' means coming home from mother-son knitting and seeing my diary on my desk, which I could've sworn I haven't written in for a long time, then yeah. The day ended normally.

"Freddie! Do want to keep the sweater I made you?" my mother asked me, I rolled my eyes.

_Sure, I'd love to keep the sweater with only the neck hole on it_

"Uh mom, why don't you give it away? I'm sure the needy might need a sweater." I shut my room door before she could say another word.

I put back the diary on the shelf, not intending to delve into my memories, bad memories. Memories I wished I could forget.

I opened up the diary and tore every page out. Stupid diary.

I crumpled all the pages together and had an idea to burn them, but knowing my mom, she wouldn't allow fire come close to our apartment. Why do you think we've never eaten decent food? I didn't want to throw the paper ball just yet, I wanted to do some damage to it, so it would be impossible to read after throwing it away. I left it in a drawer and decided to hit the hay early that night.

--

I walked over to the girls' locker after gathering my stuff from my own. "Hey Carly, Sam."

"Hey, Freddie."

"'Sup dork?" I smiled, knowing for sure that Sam wasn't freaked out about the... thing. Both of them we're acting kinda weird though, their heads were still in their locker. They were either trying really hard to find something not there, or simply avoiding eye contact with me. "How was your mother son activities thing?" Sam asked.

"_Real_ fun, my mom signed us up for mother-son knitting." I answered. Carly giggled and Sam cracked up, banging a fist onto the closed locker next to hers. "How did the iCarly rehearsal go?"

"I finally got that part right." Carly said, head still buried in her locker.

"Okay..." I scooted off to algebra, the next class, knowing that the girls wouldn't get their heads out of their lockers.

--

I sat in class, one of the first to arrive. Class wouldn't start for another five minutes, so I decided to review the homework due on that day.

I realized that Sam was in my class when my paper flew out of my hands and she plopped onto the seat next to mine. She started to copy my work furiously. I chuckled. I could've snatched my paper back anytime but I decided not to. I just decided to look mad, and confused, just for Sam's enjoyment.

She smirked and continued copying my answers to the homework, I kicked her chair once our algebra teacher, Mr Mahon, came in sight.

Sam gave my paper back. "Dork." She muttered, possibly acknowledging me.

Class started as per normal, just that I wasn't as attentive as usual. I was still mentally taking note of all the possible things I could do to that ball of paper that was torn out from my diary. I decided to stick to burning it, I'd wait for the right time and go to the right place to burn that ball of paper.

I noticed that Sam was unusually attentive that day, glancing to the board in front occasionally and going back to her note writing, she was most likely copying down the formulae on the board. She passed what she just wrote to me, it was a note. Figures.

She didn't worry about Mr Mahon seeing her passing her note to me. He once said, 'If you do not want to help yourself, than no one can. I'm certainly not going to try.' He decided to just ignore Sam altogether. Sam 'does' her homework, just as precautionary, in case he grades her silently, or something. Who knows what goes into a mind of a nerdy teacher who dresses as if he's in the 70's.

Whoever interacting with Sam during class would also be ignore, which, during that lesson, became me. I unfolded the note.

**Hey Freddo, I was thinking, can I join your group of losers who never want to fall in love again?**

I scribbled down my reply below her first statement and passed it back to her: **First of all, it's not a group, it's just me. Second, why?**

She chuckled a bit as she wrote something but her expression changed when she was writing the next part.

**Hah, I thought it was a group. It's just that you alone, have a group worth of 'loser-ness' in you.** I chuckled at that barely English statement. **I've been hurt before, like you. I don't wanna get hurt again. **My eyes widened. What?

I simply wrote, **NO** and I passed the piece of paper back to Sam. She frowned after reading my response. She scribbled something down, she was breathing very hard. Clearly, she was mad. She passed me the note without looking my way.

**WHAT?! Why not? If my reason is not good enough for you then let me know yours. **I sighed, I knew that Sam wouldn't give up without a fight. Knowing her, a long and hard one.

**You were right okay? Carly never loved me and will never love me so I gave up. Happy? You were right, and I was wrong. **I wrote it down on the piece of paper which would run out of space soon. I held the paper out to Sam and she snatched it from my hand.

She chuckled, turned to me and mouthed, "I'm keeping this." Sam turned back to the paper and wrote something and passed it back to me. **Your reason is about the same as mine. You don't want to get hurt. I get it. But why aren't you allowing me to give up on love just like you?**

_Was_ her reason not good enough? I didn't know. Wait, I did know. Without hesitating, I wrote down on the piece of paper why I think Sam shouldn't follow my example.

Just as I was about to give her the piece of paper, the bell rang and Mr Mahon dismissed the class. I stood up, placed the paper on Sam's desk and said, "You wanted to keep this right?" and walked off.

* * *

I couldn't believe that I was trying to make Freddie open up without Carly forcing me to. I was acting on my own. Well, at least it was working, I think.

The bell rang and Freddie gave me the piece of paper we've been using the whole time during class. I let out a sigh and saw the real reason why Freddie didn't let me into his 'group': **You don't deserve to be unloved.**

"And you do?" I whispered

* * *

**If you haven't noticed, the last part was in Sam's POV. I had this idea for a long time but thought it was very hard to put it in words. I already have an idea for the next chapter, so hopefully i'll update by this weekend.**


	6. Burn, Burn

Hey guys... I'm so sorry I didn't update through Christmas, New Year and iKiss. Now school has started, and i hope I still can continue updating. I will, try my best to, update.

Disclaimer: iCarly is not mine

* * *

Friday. Finally. My mom's out late at work and I was home alone. Of course she left a whole list of 'DOs and DON'Ts' on the table in the kitchen. What else is new?

I pulled out my cupboard under my desk in my room and took out the ball of paper. It's time. I stuffed the ball of paper in my pocket and took out a lighter from my bag. Thank god mom didn't do those spot checks after school anymore.

I held the lighter so tightly in my hands that they hurt, and were probably sweaty. I ran down the stairs trying to think of a good place to burn the paper ball.

But at the bottom of the stairs, there was a sight that held me back. Someone was on the ground, unconscious, a girl most likely, since her blonde hair was everywhere. She was kinda short. Only one name came to me. Sam.

"Hey Lewb—" I shouted, but of course he was asleep. I turned back to Sam. "Hey, Sam. Get up Sam." I said, shaking here a little. "Sam!"

Sam slowly _tried_ to sit up but couldn't. "Five more minutes mom." I supported her by her shoulders.

"Sam, what happened?" I asked. She yawned and got back to sleep. Since her position changed, I saw what was in a hand. A bottle. It had no labels so I sniffed it. Beer? Sam drank? I didn't think so, though. The bottle was barely finished. It must've been her first time.

I put Sam's arm around my shoulder and brought us upstairs by the elevator. Carly wasn't home so I carried Sam to my apartment. Once in the apartment, I laid Sam down on the couch. "I guess you have to spend the night here." I said to Sam.

"Mphh" Was her reply.

"Come on. I gotta get you some clothes to sleep in." I brought Sam into my room and pulled out some clothes for her. "Here, go change in the toilet. Just—" I spun around to look into my cupboard. Or, to not look at Sam. "I guess I'll change in the toilet. You can sleep on the couch in the living room after you're done." I walked out of the room with my eyes closed, lucky to not trip or stumble into anything.

I got changed and went back to my room. Only to see a sleeping Sam on my beloved bed. "Hey Sam! You were supposed to... Nevermind." I walked out of my room and plopped on the couch. I laid down and was about to sleep when I remembered, "Mom!" I took a piece of paper from my room, quietly of course, so as to not wake the sleeping beast, and wrote on it.

_**Mom. Having a movie marathon. Crashing on the couch, don't bother checking me in my room.**_

Hoping that was enough, I put it on the kitchen counter and went to sleep.

--

Morning came very soon after a long dreamless sleep. Mom was not home, she had to work on a Saturday. I love it when she's too busy to overly pamper me. I made some breakfast and went into my room to wake Sam up. "Sam! Sam wake up." Sam sat up slowly when she was fully awake, she suddenly screamed.

"Freddie? What am I doing here? Did you—? Did we—?" She kept looking down at the empty spot on the bed beside her, which was the side I was standing at.

"What? No! I slept on the couch in the living room!" I clarified as soon as I understood what Sam meant. She grunted, what a lady. "I've made breakfast, go to the kitchen if you want some." I walked out and divided the eggs and ham, with more on Sam's plate of course.

Sam got into the kitchen and sat opposite me. It was the first time I had a good look at her since last night. She had my clothes on and they were ten times her size. She looked... adorable. Her hair was everywhere and her left shoulder exposed. I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to touch it, to touch her.

I looked down hard on my plate. Trying so hard to not look up or stretch my hand out to Sam. "What's the matter with you, dork?" She must've notice me being too stiff.

"Nothing, I was just wondering. Why were you drinking yesterday?" Wow, I didn't know I was that good at improvising.

"My mom said there was some soda in the wine cooler," Sam said. I didn't really need an explanation though. "I randomly took out a bottle. How'd you that it was beer anyway?"

"My mom." I replied simply. An 'O' formed on Sam's mouth as she continued her breakfast. "What were you doing here last night? Didn't you know that Carly's away for the weekend?"

"I knew, I just wanted to let myself in and spend the night." Sam replied. "What were you doing out so late last night?" Sam asked.

"I was... Uh, was gonna get some stuff over at the store." Okay, maybe my improvisational skills weren't as good as I thought. I stood up, finished with my breakfast and started washing the dishes.

"What would you need at 10 at night?" Sam asked, prodding more and more.

I knew she wouldn't stop bugging me till I actually told what she wanted to know, so I just told her. "Alright, I wanted to burn some paper." Well that sounded stupid. "But you were on the ground and... yeah."

"So are you gonna try and burn it today?" Sam asked, which made me realize that this was the most civil conversation we've had since... we met. "Cos if you are, then I wanna come along."

--

Finally, the paper from the diary was burning. It was pretty good looking fire I must say. It was a majestic fireball. Different shades of red and yellow were dancing around it.

Sam took a piece of paper from her pocket and threw it into the flame.

"What's that?" I asked.

"The paper we used to chat in class a few days ago." Sam shrugged

"What? I thought you said you wanted to keep it?" I asked, temper rising. How could she just throw it away? The worst part was, I didn't know why I was angry.

"I don't want to keep it if what you said isn't true." Sam replied simply.

"What?" I took off my jacket and started to beat the fire. "I-" I flinched when the embers flew around. "Meant every-" I beat the fire again. "Word." I completed my sentence as the fire was extinguished.

I took the half burnt paper and gave it to Sam. "You believe me now?"


End file.
